see anything???

click link =) ...well, copy and paste in address bar (why isn't the link working???, GOT IT NOW!!!)

Beyonce: Don't Believe the Hype

ok, so I'm not a huge Beyonce fan...true, she's really pretty and can dance, but the concert I went to this past saturday was a 7 at best. true, the show was in greensboro, nc and not madison square garden being taped, but should that matter??? ideally, no, but keeping it real, i guess it does proven by her lacklusterness, ughk.

now i was taught in speech class to give positive feedback before you tear into someone's speech, so with the same spirit here goes....

1. she's pretty with a really nice shape, slightly hourglass (but the costumes were kinda exaggerated to make her look curvier than normal).....and i love her legs!

2. she is great at choreographed dancing

3. her voice is absolutely beautiful

but aren't these things what we already knew???...didn't need to pay for a concert for that, now to the roast...

1. first, i needed her to look fabulous and flawless, but to my genuine surprise, her hair looked like old, stringy, dry tracks...no hate, all honesty...i was a track connoisseur in high school so i know weave...don't believe me?...look at the BET awards...the concert was saturday, this pic is sunday, girl, what's up???

2. if she was not doing a definite choreographed dance routine, she was kinda just randomly walking around singing, and that's cool if she balanced her aimless walking around with some fabulous props or scenery on stage, but that wasn't the case, which leads me to #3

3. there was no "wow" factor during the concert. nothing in the props or the show for that matter amazed me. she had a huge stage-size monitor in the background, that did a few special effects, big deal....oh oh, she did like fly slowly over the floor crowd with some invisible strings...aaaaaaannd? and her doing that didn't even fit in the show, she wasn't singing an angel song or anything, i guess she just wanted to fly around on strings and that was supposed to be enough for people to go crazy over (????)

4. even her choreographed dancing wasn't on point...she didn't stick her moves with precision, which is the least she could do (since her freestyle showmanship is lame).....maaaaan, and they weren't even synchronized, I'd say they were 75% of the time......not enough for it being Beyoooonce...(side-eye)

5. why would she sing 50% ballads??? logically 50% dance 50% ballad sounds balanced right??? not if you're classified as a that kind of entertainer...if you have to do ballads, shorten them so you sing only half the song......don't believe the feel was drab and boring?...look at the BET awards, those songs were so out of place...gotta do what the people love, save that other stuff for the album

6. just her whole persona seems manufactured...from her "natural" banter with the audience, to her "genuine" little acting cute and innocent moments, to her "honest" gratitude and appreciation, just everything about her seems constructed and unnatural, especially the "natural" parts........she needs to know she can't do the michael jackson innocent behavior, mike was a real, genuine lovable enigma, bey? not so much, she comes off phony for some reason...don't believe me? watch the BET awards and compare her and alicia keys acceptance speeches (actually, you don't even have to to see what i mean), true, they're diff ppl, but genuine is either real or not, and i really felt alicia's speech.....but then i think, jay wouldn't be with someone phony and lame, so maybe I just don't get it

7. uh! and doing the little lame roc sign when she leaves the stage at the end, ok, that's old and not cute anymore

8. she said nothing about michael!!! benefit of the doubt, she did a tribute the next night after he passed, but I think he's worth the weekend, at least

OVERALL: I got the feeling she was winging it...also doesn't help that since mike died, I'm comparing everything to him, but that'll make everything I see trash b/c he's INCOMPARABLE (no better word), so I hope I can stop that soon.....bey, BEEEEYYY, tsk, tsk, tsk............aaaahhhh, so glad i went to see musiq and anthony hamilton the next night (thanks to my amazing sister and D)....now, they were really good...or was it b/c anthony hamilton is from NC that he was so good??? hmmmmm....

SO embarrassing!

Yea so me and a friend of mine are on our motorcycles...we playin around..actin a fool on the streets....there is alota traffic around us....we get up to a red light and start actin up again....so he gets off his bike and gets on mine...and i get off mine and get on his...as im sittin on his..i think i thought i put the kickstand down...and i tried to stand up...but as i did..the bike slowly tipped over and took me down with it!...so not only did i go down...but i fell in some bushes that were on the median...smh...and on top of that!....the bike was on me and it was too heavy for me to get off of me...so here i am this guy in the bushes at a red light wit a motorcycle on top of me strugglin to get up...and my friend is lookin at me DYINNNNN laughin...im yellin for him to help get the bike off of me...EVERYONE in they car is starin at me...man he got the bike off me...i got back on it...head was down in shame....i didnt wanna look at noone(thank god for the helmet)....i was soooooo embarrassed...keep this story between me and u

Michael Jackson...who's bad!

1. Wasn't the moonwalk the hardest shit to do....u could never get it quite like mike

2. Thriller nigga....thriller

3. Speakin of thriller....youtube how many people use thriller for they wedding

4. Smooth criminal....was I the only 1 that tried to do that lean n that video...smh..greatest shit ever....also...he did the lean live....I stilllll can't do it

Ah...cha'monn......owwwww

5. Crotch grab never looked so good....are u serious...ya grandma could do it...and it would b ok...its mike nigga its mike..(lol@ma language)

6. Ýea mike made some good ass songs but only afta he died doesn't it seem like his songs give u chills now.....dirty diana(youtube it....hooootttt)

7. Don't u wish he juss stopped the plastic surgery....on thriller he was str8...he could've stopped there

8. Mannnn did we ever find out if anne was ok?

9. Thillerrrrrrrr.....young old black white man or woman...u KNOW some parts of that dance

10. U ma not no all the words...but u no beat it...juss beat it

11. Dammnnnn seein it again afta all this time....oh u can do the moves....(n ur mind).....u sound juss like him

12. Noooooooooo one...will ever replace mike...there's noo way

13. SideKick ....crotch grab...spin....crotch grab...pelvic thrust pelvic thrust ...lol...whhhattt who else is gon pull that off

14. Member the "knife fight" n beat it .....mj came n as a mediator and everyone did that dance......lol the reach and grab lol..thas wha im calln it right now

15. Im gettn hyped up juss thinkn bout this video...whose bad....sha'mon...ah....this dude was dressed to kill yo .......reminds u how crazy it is that this guy is dead.....mannnn im watchn the video as I type....watch this video again riighhhtt afta u read this...meanin....right now

16. U noooo u bad when u can molest kids and get away wit it(allegedly)

17. Man how does he spin 40 times n a row....gota b the shoes

Ah...cha'mon..heeeee

18. Do u rememba...ah.... when his hair caught on fire.....smh...usin too much soul glo

19. Get high get low now...Ýea Ýea ...get over get under...Ýea Ýea...u stuck n the middle Ýea Ýea

20. U see when mj was on south park?....he did look like hisself....I think that was based on a true story

21. If I wore white socks and some black loafers right now...id get joked outa them....only mike yo

22. Sooo weak@ michael jackson tryna teach micheal jordan how to dance and and jordan tryna teach jackson how to play ball

23. Man..all I wanna say it that...they don't really care about us...whewwww the beginning goes hard

24. How the helllll do u go from black to white....does neone even no?....I aint nevvverr seen that shit done b4

Heehee....whewww

25. He had the same hairstyle for @ least 37 years

26. *looks for ma white glove*....people always told me...b careful wha u do...don't go already breakn young girls hearts...heeeeee...wait.....whose kid is it...if it aint ya son?...she said u was the one

27. Juss imagine how many people gon b micheal jackson for halloween

28. Dun dun dun dundun...dundun dun dundun....dun dun dun dundun....dundun dun dundun.....yo butt is mineeee....(whose bad)....wait ...did u see the one they remade wit juss kids in it....omg classic (utube it)

Cha'mon...daahh

29. Without "Im bad"...weird al couldn't make "im fat"(utube it if u aint heard it)

30. Man where did he get his dancers from tho...they knew ballet/hiphop/jazz/contemporary/flute/martial arts...all that

Man I can go on and on...there's waaaayyy too much that comes wit his name....he is the definition of a legend...he will be missed RIP Michael Jackson 1958-2009

R.I.P...neeeh...LIVE FOREVER MIKE!!!!

RANDOM MIKE JACK THOUGHTS...

To be the most loved man in the world, but the loneliest man in the world at the same time…ironic

Unfortunately, it took Michael’s death to really put back into perspective what great is, and no one since him has had ANYTHING on him……if you say anyone can hold a candle to him would actually be disrespectful...and that's not the sad talkin, it's so for real

Stop using the word “genius” and “phenomenal” so loosely…ughk

Isn’t it crazy people could say Mike is the best that ever did it and there will never be anyone greater, and actually mean it 100%, not even knowing who’s coming in the future….but I totally agree

How is it the videos and spectacularness that Michael has accomplished in the freakin’ 70s and 80s has not been outdone in the new millennium, with all the technology out now……..I guess none of that matters if you’re not Michael Jackson

Mike was so ahead of his time that artists of the future are still behind…case and point, no one has out done Mike yet!...THRILLER???...MATCHLESS!!!!!!

Do you think getting a black president in exchange for Mike is a square deal??? maaaaaan

A Florida Evans “damn” moment is sooooo called for right now

Michael is so fine in the thriller video, maaan, especially the little acting parts where you can really get a good look at him, that smile tho???...oooo, and he was tall and skinny too, my kinda brotha!

I think it's kinda mean to think "God, why not some other Jackson brother?" but i think it a little :( .....but only Mike would've gotten this reaction and had this impact on people's lives, impact for the better for a lot of people, so I thank God for that

I'm waiting for Obama to release a statement, and if he doesn't, he's on my bad list for about a week

I kinda want the fourth thursday of june to be an international holiday...ok, im OD-ing...lol

Isn't Mike the coolest, sweetest, meekest weirdo you'll ever know??? so lovably weird

You know, I’m gonna start an industry on the psychology of mourning a celeb in the media…my main foundation of this branch of study….(I’m serious)...1) no slow music in remembrance of the celeb, that just saddens people even more…….2)no “year born-year died” captions, really confirms the death…..3)no obvious or subtle bad talk about the person, tasteless……….you can do all this stuff, but wait at least 1 week, don’t give people anything confirming death, gotta psych the mind a little

I swear the media is at least 40% responsible for Mike's death, such vultures

I kinda hope Beyonce scraps her whole show and make it a MJ tribute (I'm going tomorrow)…she has the same performance spirit as Mike, no doubt, but the depth of her songs are baby dribble compared to Mike Jack!!!...kinda disrespcetful??? yes, am i playing? NO

A piece of the earth has broken off and can never be replaced...yeah, Mike's that major

I know Chris Brown and Chris Tucker are barfing right now

Isn’t it kinda weird to go back and look at what people were doing minutes before the news broke?…What were their facebook statuses? What were they talking about? What were they doing?....all while being oblivious to MICHAEL JACKSON dying at those very moments….craaaaazy

Doesn't MJ execute the whole skinny jeans/fitted clothes look so perfectly...he so pioneered that!

I can go on and on, but I just have this lost, confused, weirdo feeling that is really bothering me….I’m actually trying to overexpose myself with his news so my brain can tell me, ok, this is played out so, you know, it can get old to me and im forced to quickly accept it...it's hard tho…..just a little psychology game I’m playing...whatever it takes...(((totally blasting his music all weekend!!!...probably start singing MJ songs at the concert, soooo in my own world ...everyone looking at me concerned...lol)))

man i love mike jack...

cussing

ok, im not a hard curser, i do what i like to call "diet cussing," you know, the light and easy "bad" words, and that's rarely...but are there some situations that warrant hard cussing from even the most sophisticated, classy status of people? i heard people curse because their vocabulary lacks depth, something like that, but come now, are there just some situations where no other word but a curse word can express the point perfectly, liiiike someone lying on you and getting you fired, ooooor someone spitting in your face? (<<< actually deserves a few blows thrown too) hmmmmmm...just wondering

excuses, excuses, excuses

there all types of people in the world, but i think the coolest, most honest people in the world are those who don't or rarely give excuses. sometimes when i hear them, i cringe with disdain and think, come on, grow up. there's always an excuse on why something you were responsible for didn't happen, and you may even get in the good graces of the person you stood up, didn't do something for, or whoever the affected party is if you give a great, believable, or even truthful excuse, but that gets old my friends... true maturity comes when you take responsibility, apologize for your fault, and carry on with life, excuse-free, or owning your faults......at least you're being honest and it's now up to the person to trust your dependability and up to you to work on it.

let's play fill in the blank...EXCUSES ARE LIKE ---------- EVERYONE HAS THEM.

reasons i CAN'T play for the other team

COLLABO: i just can't do it...


1. aside from the spiritual, moral, and other subjective reasons specific to just me, it’s just logically natural to be with a man, period….please feel free to reflect and examine this theory on your own.

2. the coolness of a man is matchless. no amount of practicing or wishing can make anyone have the aura and dare I say this over used yet fitting word, swag, of man…..sorry imposters, you either have it or you don’t.

3. isn’t it great how guys can just let stuff go? It’s like they’re born with this “oh well” attitude. this trait gives my nit-picking and analyzing great balance.

4. nothing compares to the anatomy of a man, oooo, especially when he’s trim and cut, amongst other things specific to a man (throat clear), but that’s just my taste, I mean, the build of a guy is just natural, and quite obvious….case and point, guys, if there was no dramatic surgery involved, can’t you tell when a “chick” is really man…men are just made different.

5. ooo, la, laaah, how about massages? it’s like men’s hands are made with more muscle and strength, man, perfect for those trouble areas…don’t wanna take my word? that’s fine, compare if necessary ladies.

6. ok, nothing rivals the feeling of you knowing (along with everyone else) that you have a good man, so submitting to him is nothing. no, I don’t mean washing his feet or cooking for him naked in high heels (unless that’s your thing). i just mean letting the man be the “man”, the leader, the protector, boosting his ego a little...all this and more isn’t a problem if you genuinely have a good man with a good heart. >

7. how about the slight or overt obnoxiousness of a guy? It’s hilarious… i mean, he’s not wreckless and disrespectful, but he just says things a lady wouldn’t, and you’ll be weak cuz you think he’s nuts…cute.

8. im a hip hop/rap fanatic, but unfortunately I’ve been forced to listen to commercial for a while :/ doesn’t it seem like guys always have the hot underground and mixtape cd’s that you’ll never find in target or best buy??? Im sayin tho, it's like it's a secret among guys only, no girls allowed



Son-son, I could neeeever play for the other team, I don’t believe in “don’t knock it til you try it,” some stuff you already know for sure…let these people know what team you’re on tho, conservative ends riiiiiiiiiight abooouuuut now:


9. Off top....d*ck n ma booty lmaaooo...it don't even sound right....omg...I juss threw up n ma mouth......wdffffff.....I can't do it


10. I don't want no rough ass man hands rubbn ma back...come on dawg...the calluses on ya hands r rubbn ma skin raw


11. I don't want some1 whispering n ma ear...*in deep man voice*....I love u boo


12. Ewww imagine lots of body hair...and 2 men deep breathin....*cringes*


13. Wait whose the girl and whose the guy n the relationship....too much


14. I don't no how 2 vogue....and I aint tryna learn


15. How both us got mustaches tho..... .....anndd...ur hairy ass legs rubbn on ma legs...we be dun started a fire


16. I didn't plan on movin to the safe haven n san fran


17. I rub ya face and madd stubble on it...I can't handle it ...son we usin the same razor


18. I can't b at a concert wit anotha grown ass dude goin 2 see chris brown and he screaming louder than the girls



what team you on???

communicating with your MARRIED ex etiquette

ok, your ex is now married...what a lame:) ......no matter how in love you guys were, you obviously weren't the one. and although it's gonna be very hard, you gotta let him know you're fine with that. use this as an opportunity to mature and grow your respect for yourself (along with you ex and his union). time to grow and be accountable to the laws of maturity and respect. being a slut jank...totally ushy. (just happened to be listening to vintage destiny child "get on the bus", hotness, kinda goes with this post...go listen, after you read of course). time to be accountable to the laws of maturity and respect kiddies, instead of doing what you want disregarding after effects.

ok, if you wanna be respected, follow directions:

1. no calling/texting or responding to calls/texts after 8p.m. say all you have to say during daylight hours because keep it real, it's something about night time/darkness that brings out a different side in people...kinda like wy clubs and parties are always dimly lit.

2. easy on the rendezvous. naturally, you dont wanna not ever see each other again (so it's gonna 97% be some meeting goings on). i mean, marriage sometimes doesnt automatically erase feelings for other people. but honestly, all that still seeing each other stuff is risky business (and kinda disrespectful to the wife). and the potential of "something happening " (whatever "something" is, usually non-platonic) is higher if you keep seeing each other. keep your respect and chill out, remember, you weren't worthy to be wife, so chill.

3. accept the marriage and move on, which will in turn decrease the commuication to a less frequent, more respectable level. hopefully by now you'e accepted not being the one, so you have more time to mature, remember and stick to your "the one" list, or revise it, and with time, he'll turn up...pinky promise.

surprisingly hot

ok...try to look at this all the way through without cracking a smile, i'll give you a cool million...and listen to uncle jerry in the background, sounding disoriented...click link and enjoy!

http://www.mtv.com/videos/bobby-light/160111/dirty-girl.jhtml

Story time: The Stinky lady

i use to work @ wendys a long time ago. Every blue moon this 1 black lady use to come n2 the store. Lemme describe her.....she was kind of a big lady...she had like 2 dreds...mayb 3 lol....she had this one gigantic braid...followed by a couple..and I do mean couple...miniature versions of that braid around the main 1....and she kept it up n this dark color sockish lookin thing....im not sure wha it was....she looked kinda homeless to be honest wit u.....2 things about her reallllyyyy juss creeped me out about her....first...her eyes....u kno that crust that be in ya eyes when u wake up in the morning....yea juss imagine u woke up....and never got that out of ur eyes...for 2 years!!...omg...it was soooo disgusting and it was thick and it was yellow...it was to the point where im not even clear how she can even see......I could nevverrr look this lady str8 in her eyes....I almost wanted to throw up.....theeennn...as if that wasn't enough....the smell on this lady was atrocious(lemme no if u got a stronger word) ....now....I don't know wha a dead body would smell like....but im pretty damn sure I have an idea....I have neveeerrrr smelled anything like that n my life....even to this day...I have never smelled a smell like it....I promise u...it was sooooo bad...if she walked 2 certain places n the store....even afta she left....I could smell it and tell u exactly where she went.... I really can't describe n words that kinda smell.....I would hold ma breath when takin her order(takin breaths like tayzon day does n chocolate rain..youtube it)....then she would order....and the funny part is when people were standing next to her...it would take em a sec 2 realize that their senses were being violently attacked....and when they realized it was her...they would kinda step back...and look @ her out the side of they eyes....but nooone ever commented on it....I would b dyin on the inside(partly cuz the smell was killn me and partly cuz it was hilarious)....so then I see this homeless lookn crusty eyed funky lady n front of me and she would order like 50 dollars worth of food...and she always had a single big bill....and as she left to get on the bus she always juss left me wondern....a series of questions.....who is all that damn food for? Who is she around that is not suggesting her 2 take 3day bath? Who can actually even stand their and talk to her? Where is she comin from and where is she goin?...I mean I can go on for days....I juss think she needed a camera crew following her....juss to get peoples reactions...cuz I no when she came in ma store....all my coworkers would run to the back cuz they KNEW wha it was.....the worse smell that has ever..no EVER!!!!.... to have entered my nose holes....

(This is a true story)

Why Do White People...?

COLLABO: plz join us in our social observation series lol...Volume One: Why Do They Do That? the following apply to not all, but most ;)

1. Why do white people take their precious time crossing the street?...enjoying the breeze, reflecting on life and what not.

2. Why do white people have the worst road rage?...with ammo ready if necessary.

3. Why do white people, well, the chicks, love dancing freaky with each other at the club?...and they be straight chicks too!...tried to get me once, kinda scary.

4. Why do white people find it perfectly ok to talk 0.5 inches in front of your face?...and they totally don't mind having coffee and/or garlic breath...come ooooon, arm length plz.

5. Why do white people refuse to season their food?...taste like bark and earth.

6. Why do white people run their fingers through their hair backwards when they're frustrated?...what's that about? ......matter of fact...it looks like their doing the dougie, lol, peep it

7. Why do white people find it perfectly cool to hop in your conversation, and disregard hints to leave?...you get quiet for a long time, and they expand on the topic...maaan.

..LOL, im done...what you got son-son???

8. Why do white people have to investigate shit?....sometimes its juss betta left alone.

9. Why do white people talk so much?.....juss relax....sometimes shuttn the hell up is a good idea.

10. Why do white people have the best parties?....they go hard wit the alcohol....if u aint never been...prepare yaself...some crazy shit is gon happen.

11. Why do white people allwwayyyss get lost in some kinda ski trip..hiking expediton...huntn trip....juss something crazy?....why is the rest of the world constantly lookn 4 ya ass?

12. Why do white people always have crazy deaths?....bear mauling....cheetah attack.....sky divin accident....killed by a lawn mower...its always something ridiculous....I bet if u look on aol homepage right now!...there's some white person missin or dead n some freak accident.

13. Why do white people always try 2 get u n trouble?...yall love to tell on someone..or "alert the proper authorities"...ever heard of the sayn...snitches get stitches?

14. Why do white people with no rap experience always start they raps off n that old run dmc tone?...like..."my name is chris and im here to say"....please....quit it.

15. Why do white people say..." u wanna go"....or "u wanna piece of me"....when they wanna fight?.....ha-lar-re-us ...................................or, i had to add this fif, "you're dead meat"...lol, what?

16. Why do white people let they kids talk to them any way they want to?....let me even think about comin out ma mouth wrong...and thas it...I aint got no mouth 4 the day.

my white people!...it's all love!!!...blacks, latinos, asians...everybody!...we got you, don't worry :P

have you ever?

1. Have u ever been so sleepy that ull sleep wit all ur clothes on...or ya bed will b full of shit and u juss sleep wit it on the bed...or even juss slide it all on the floor

2. Have u ever been so hungry u wanna throwup

3. Have u ever been so bored that ull play wit toys or any inanimate objects that u see lyin around...the more bored u r the more u really get n2 it...til some1 sees u..and is like....wha the hell r u doin

4. Have u ever been so thirsty that ull drink outa a cup of water on the table thas been there since yesterday

5. Have u ever felt like u were the smartest person n the room....surrounded by idiots n a sense

6. Have u ever wanted to smack the shit outa ya mother.....ehhh ya father is not soooo bad

7. Have u ever wanted to take a picture of something but couldn't never get to ya camera out quite fast enough

8. Have u ever had a job working wit customers (fast food or dept stores)....I swearrrrr they don't no wha they want n life...aren't they the dumbest people imaginable...and don't u have complaints about them the world aint even ready to hear yet

9. Have u ever seen someone so ugly u juss had 2 stare at them......they draw u n to the point where u can't...no won't...turn away

10. Have u ever been n a relationship u knew wasn't gonna work...so u bet urself that it would b over n a certain amount of time

11. Have u ever wanted 2 to take the life of someone who snores

12. Have u ever shared a good laugh wit a stranger....like yall both witness something funny as hell...isn't it great...yall were bestfriends for like 7mins

13. Have u ever had 2 buy something so small but so expensive that u considered juss stealin it

14. Have u ever started eatn something u really wanted...and ya mouth started watern

15. Have u ever been lookin for ur phone...and u find it...right n ur hand

16. Have u ever ripped ur pants n a public settin....funny now....not so much then

17. Have u ever met up wit someone from the internet....and they didn't look exactly like their pic...don't u start thinkn of the shit u gota do all of a sudden

18. Have u ever been dreaming a greattt dream..and the woke up hopin and praying that it was real...and when u figured out it wasn't...u tried to go back to sleep hopin u can dream that same dream...but it never works

19. Have u ever been n ur car and juss need a red light for 2secs so u can reach for something or do something right quick...but u get alllllll the green lights n the world....but let u b n a hurry....str8 red lights the whole way....is this some kinda sick joke

20. Have u ever been walkin...and seen a loose dog....does ur heart stop 4 2 secs...and u start freakn out a lil and u then plan eitha ur escape route or how ur gonna kick the shit outa it if it comes near u

5 cut to the chase questions

"what's your favorite color?" and "who's your favorite rapper?" are cute, but make sure you get these questions in: (these are from a woman's perspective, but i guess guys can ask too)

1. are you married? divorced? when was your last relationship? ....assess where he/she may be emotionally

2. have any kids? see them often?....assess his/her level of responsibiliy and how well he/she handles it (screw grammar, no more he/she, im using "their")

3. what school did you go too? (if no school>>>) where do you work?.....assess their stability

4. are you a Christian? Muslim? atheist?.....assess their religious views, which also gives you an assessment of the foundation of their morals

5. who do you stay with?......assess their finances

*BONUS* (if you're bold)
*ever been in jail/prison?....that could be a plus if you're into thuggery
*ever had an std?......sorry, but with how popular infedility is, you gotta ask

the answers to these quesions will give you only a general gist of the type of person you're dealing with. use your own intelligence and intuition to see if the person is worth spending anymore time with.........timeout for "i didn't know he was married," or "i can't believe he stole my credit card."

obliviousness is no longer an excuse.......ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS

???

tyler, tyler, TYLEEEERRRR...wthellllll were you thinking??? oh, and if i hear onemore "hallelu-yeeer" im gonna cuss

how to tell he's a gentleman:

if the guy is a gentleman, these are just a few things you will observe:

1. he gives you no more than 2 compliments an outing/date. now, more than 3 gives the impression of a little insecurity, with him believing he must win you over (or get the panties) with tons of compliments...too much is corny.

2. if he stands up to shake your parents' hand...very respectable.

3. he takes you somewhere where the entrees start at around $30...this insinuates he doesn't mind spending a little money on you...kinda generous

4. a couple oldie but goodies, he opens the door for you all the time, not just in front of your folks and he insists on paying for the date...chivalry is never dead

5. and my favorite, and the test a lot of guys actually fail: if yall are walking around somewhere and he purposely guides you to the inside of the sidewalk away from the street, and he walks on the side closest to the street...he is such the gentleman......again, he must do this on purpose, not just happen to already be on the outside

this checklist can actually be completed on the first date...good luck! (oh, p.s. don't waste too much time on lame jokers, they're so unworthy!)

you know what really burns my biscuits???

say you're in a sorority...why is it you can be chillin', say at a beauty parlor, mall, beach, where ever, and somehow it's revealed you're in a sorority through a keychain, handbag, whatever, then a fellow sorority "sister" who's been in the same vacinity as you the past 30 minutes turns into your best friend ever when she notices your sorority 'nelia??? im like, ok, you were walking by each other not even speaking or being polite at first and in seconds you're inseperable???........you know what...girl boo (lol)

Why!?!?!?

1. Why when there is a grim situation takin place....women and children gota go first?...u think the guys don't wanna live too...I got shit I wanted 2 do tomorrow

2. Why is it that n the news...if something bad happens to a 20yr old..he juss ay boy...but if he doesn't something bad....he's a man?

3. Why is it that every1 contemplates suicide at least once...then thinks there's no real painless why 2 do it..so u figure out ur situation really isn't THAT bad

4. Why is it that when u don't like the same thing eveeryyoneee else likes...they gota make u out to be a crazy person

5. Why is it 2009 and the black people are stillllll dyin off first n the movies?...is this a prerequisite?

6. Why is it that all ur friends have this ONE story that u they tell to everyone yall meet...and its always overexaggurated or some kinda misunderstanding but they feel they gota blow it up..and laugh their life away when they tell it

7. Why is it that spades is such a serious game....and if it aint to u...u must not kno how 2 play...I've seen 4 adults and 3 kids killed over a spades game...re-nig if u want to

8. Why is it that whenever u get a lotto ticket for the million dollar games....u always plan how ur gonna spend the money...but when the numbers come out...u weren't even close

9. Why is it that maury does the same paternity results show every single day.....and it never gets old...when they say "u are not the father" as a guy...don't u feel like he was talkn to u...and u gota jump up n the air and freeze and pose...like n the cartoons.....and girls when they say "u are the father" aint u like..."I knew it"..and juss shake ya head

10. Why is it that all day wednesday u think its thursday...even tho we already told u its wednesday.

11. Why the hell cant u ever find where a rainbow starts...I don't think any ever has....mayb there is a pot of gold somewhere

12. Why is it that ur friend always needs a favor at the worse time...don't u juss get sleepy all of a sudden

13. Why is the hottest new trend .....gettn pregnant...I mean really tho..noone uses condoms or has the decency to pull out any more

14. Why is there someone that u love wit ya heart..but if u could...juss one good time...punch them dead n they face

15. Why is it that when someone else is drivin...and ur n the passenger seat...ur scared as shit of their drivin...its always like they gettn too close to the car n front of them..(u slowly reach for the seatbelt)

16. Why do u know that person that goes to the movies...and has the audacity fall asleep ...don't u juss wanna smack em cross the face..then act like nothing happen

17. Why do people graduate from school...and still don't no shit....usin the wrong words n a sentence and shit...don't no wha shit means....

18. Why is it that when im ridin n ma white friends car...when I first get in the radio is already set on some kinda rock music...but they then change the station 2 hiphop....funny 2 me

19. Why is it that when u watchn a scary movie...u always gota say how much betta u would do n the situation...smh..ya ass would prolly b the first one dead

20. Why do girls stay n shitty abusive relationships....get it together

21. Why are people so anxious to fall in love

22. Why does it piss u off when u see someone wit the same thing u got on

23. Why is it that when someone is tryna figure out the name of a song...and u try to help them...u KNOW wha it is but u can never think of the name right off...u have to sing the hook to urself b4 u can remember it

24. Why is ur phonebook n ur cell full of numbers...but u only talk 2 like 5 or 6 people outa 500

25. Why the hell does ur foot fall asleep....get on ya damn job

26. Why is there always a show...movie.. or even real life situation...that kinda makes u feel embarrassed to be the race that u are

27. Why is spongebob one of the best cartoons ever(does ne1 else wanna whip patricks dumbass)...and why did u watch eurekas castle...david the knome...sesame street..powerrangers...and many other throwback shows....when u look at them now...weren't they the best worst shows ever

28. Why are guys still using pick up lines...and smh@ them tryna hold bottles of alcohol or flashing money (prolly they rent money) or doin other flashy things to show off and get girls attention...desperation?

29. Why does the waitress or waiter @ a restaurant always forget to give u extra napkins....and when's the last time u didn't use a straw when eatin out...isn't it almost disgusting if u don't use one

30. Why when its hot...u get mad so easy....one more word..and u swear ...u gon snap.....and pswewn pswewn..everybody gon die (lol if u don't get that youtube kevin hart on why he can't rap)

31. And why is it that old people can't do shit at a reasonable speed...but take em to bingo and watch them blow ya ass out

32. Why when ur soooooo thirsty...u think about every drink u ever turned down...wasted...threw away..forgot 2 drink.... n ur entire life....(lol might b on ma own on that 1)

Ok...I've gone on wayy to long with this......im out ...piece! Lol

oooo, comfy

are granny panties the equivalent of men briefs?......who wouldn't prefer these??? they give you so much security, firm reassurance, and just basic comfort, keep it real, don't you agree??? lol...granny panties have such a bad wrap.

smh.... no wait...lmaoo

1. Smh@u trippn but lmaoo@ lookin around 2 see if any1 saw it

2. Smh@when ur n some kinda public or even professional settn that requires u to turn ur phone on silent...and 3mins afta they say do that....someones phone rings

3. Lmao@u lockin the keys n ur car ...smh@it being any more than once in a month

4. Smh@u wavin at someone who u THOUGHT was wavin at u...but lmao@the person they are wavin at being behind u...and u could've been a actor the way u played it off

5. No wait smh@u callin sendn ur txt to the wrong person...lmaoo@ur reaction as u realize wha u juss did...and its always to that person u REALLY don't wanna talk to

6. No wait lmao@u steppn n a wet spot while ur n ur socks....might as well call ya socks spongebob cuz they have never been so absorbant

7. No wait smh@u for wakin up late for something important....but lmaooo@u jumpn outa ya sleep like a madman and can get dress and out the door n 5mins...when it usually takes a hour

8. Smh@u being the only 1 n ur group that 4get ur ID when yall go out somewhere...but lmao@them thinkn of ways to leave ya ass behind

9. No wait smh@u for tryna 2 hurt someone...lmao@u endn up hurtn urself

10. Smh@u thinkn u could make it to ur destination wit that lil bitty gas u got left n the car.....lmao@ u runnin outa gas

11. Smh@ur keys always bein n some stupid ass place when ur n a hurry to leave....ur pisstivity levels soar

12. smh@u being bout to go out...and u drink so much before u leave....lmao@u being too drunk to even go anymore

13. no wait smh@ u gettn caught n the rain...and u try 2 avoid the big puddles....but it turns out there are none...that "small" puddle u tried to step n but lmaoo@ it turnin out 2 b a fuckn lagoon u step in...now ya damn leg is soaked

14. No wait lmao@ any1 who utters the words "wha the hell happen to u?".....this question is never followed by a story wit a happy ending

15. Smh@u trippn while goin up the stairs....its always dramatic isn't it?

16. Lmao@u accidently bumpin someones car....smh@ u proceeding 2 look around..and slowly speed the hell off

17. Smh@ur grown ass not being able 2 swim...but lmao@u doin the doggie paddle thinkn that ur really not that bad at swimming

18. Smh@some1 havin something on ya face..the wholleee time....but lmao@them tryna get it when u point it out.....they are always waaayyyy off from where u told em it was at...follow directions!

19. Smh@ur lil son/daughter/neice/nephew/cousin epically fallin....but lmao@them epically fallin (afta u see they are ok)...kids are such great fallers

20. Lmao@u trippn over somethin..but smh..when u trip over the same thing twice.....deja vu

21. Smh@girls who can't do a pushup...but lmao@them tryin

22. Smh@girls burnin themselves wit a curlin/flat iron....but lmaoo@the aftermath.....then the words come "wha the hell happen to u?"

23. Smh@people telln u how a movie ended...and u didn't even ask them!

24. Smh@u being scared of something dumb like clowns....or bridges....but lmaoo@ur reaction when u see one......get some grownup fears!

25. Smh@racism...but lmaoo@sterotypes....funny but true!

26. Smh@u showin some1 something u can do real good....but lmaoo@u never gettn it right on the first try ..then they give u that look..like r u serious

27. Smh@u goin to a barber or some1 who does ur hair..that is not ur regular person(cuz they were out that day and u need it done real quick) but they fuck it up soo bad....lmao@the results of that fuckup

28. Smh@u goin out wit that friend who isn't cute at all...but standn next to her makes u look even betta.....but lmao cuz its funny and noticeable

29. Smh@u leavin the shower on 10mins b4 u get n...but lmaooo@all the water is on the floor cuz u didn't realize the way the shower was aimin

30. Smh@u cuttn someone off n traffic...lmaoo@u tryna avoid eye contact wit them when they get a chance 2 pass u again....u lookn everywhere else but @ them

*bonus*.....smh@u havin a convo wit someone u dont even kno.....but lmaoo@u not realizin they were on a bluetooth headset..and u THOUGHT u was havin a convo wit them